God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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