So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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