booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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