he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just had sex on a roof
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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