3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
