Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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