I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
