hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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