He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I got inside last night via doggy door
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize