watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
