I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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