I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Randomize
