if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You have to summon your inner elephant
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
