I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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