I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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