did you get engaged???
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
