I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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