like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
