I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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