Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
