Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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