sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
