if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
