there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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