Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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