So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
