you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
