P.S. I can't hear my feet
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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