I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize