Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
