we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
