so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
