eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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