At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
