The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
