K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
