i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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