I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
