he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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