girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
