Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
