I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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