I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Pants are for mortals
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
