id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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