Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
