walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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