My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
