Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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