Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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