I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
