He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
