He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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