The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You were trust falling into bushes
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
