Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
