I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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