Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
