It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
