Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
