people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
