My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
