Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
