and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
