Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
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Do I have a choice?
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I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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