There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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