ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just had sex bonerless
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
