Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize