what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize