thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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