do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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