dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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