The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
