something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
