Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
