let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He passed out mid-signature
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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