just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
